Davita's Bio
Updated 2/6/2011

Before we get too far. Did you want to see a bigger picture of the gown on my home page? Then look here.

Davita's ruffles on her gown What am I?

Let me start off with what I presumably am or should I say was? Let me iterate by saying I was diagnosed in early 2001 as "TG but undetermined." This is a fancy medical term for not being CD and not being TS. So what does it mean to me? I have a male body; I had an androgynous gender (but not any more); I am a cross dresser by behavioral norms; and I am straight by sexual definitions. To break it down, I have the parts that people say boys are supposed to have and I have no extras. I have not had any medical-tested evidence of my gender, but you kind of get a sense of self after awhile. From the Web, androgyny has been defined as either having aspects of both genders or having neither. At times, I feel genderless; at other times I need to express one over the other. As for cross dressing, it's primarily treated as a behavior rather than being something internal to the person. Lastly, people tend to group sexual preferences based on to whom people are attracted and which bodies those people have. This brings up one obvious statement. Sex, sexual preference and gender do not have to relate to each other and the whole gender and sex stuff are each shades of grey. And so to repeat what I said on the home page, I'm transgendered, but undetermined, and I'm okay. But then, maybe I'm transsexual -- you know -- I have that sense of self.

Can this all change? I didn't think so, but now? I have this feeling I have drifted towards being transsexual. Yeah, I'm think being a woman would be a good thing -- the right thing. Will it happen? No... I have too much to sacrifice to do any kind of real transitioning. I sill have my better half, I have a married daughter and two grandkids. Life is good for the most part.

Davita sitting in her gown

What is going on in my life now?

I've been going out in public for a bit over eleven years now. My confidence has me quite comfortable with who I am. At this point it doesn't matter if I pass every time and I know I don't. I do pass more often than not. Just let me say we all have our bad hair days, but we also have our bad makeup days. The other part of my life is that so many people know, there simply is no "passing" with them. Which gets back to I get to enjoy my friends (and I think they enjoy Davita). I tell you what, friends make life a whole lot better and sincere or not, they can give you that compliment that makes your whole day.

I'm still married to a great lady--Ro, my better half. I always tell people I've only did one thing right and she's only made one mistake. We have a 30+ year old daughter (I call her "Brat" because she is so much like me). Both know of my other self. Ro and I have a son-in-law. He's well aware of Davita from pictures and conversation, but has yet to meet her.

Work-wise, I guess there are not too many people left in my office that don't know. There is the occasional new person, but give them time.  I'm not exactly hiding who I am any more. No one has complained, no one picks on me and some embrace me. Outside of w**k, I have a circle of friends and it includes some from w**k. I schedule my days out en fem and send out the notice to my friends so we can schedule lunch, shopping, after hours and anything else we can think of. I always tell my friends that they can bring other folks with them; I trust them to know nice people.

And the proverbial history...

Davita's ruffles on her gownRo and I met with my psychologist early in 2001 to scare us both *sigh* During the session, I had to confess my confusion of self and that I cannot be changed. Ro was still very worried about society (but she worries a bit less nowadays). She worries about neighbors, friends, family, everyone, anyone who would know. At least during the session, we both agreed that we don't want to break up; that was very important to both of us. To help us stay together, we recognize the need for better communication, but we are still struggling. What I try to do is to be sure to let Ro of my plans for going out or for that matter coming out if I think it may impact her. She has to tell me how worried she is. I'm trying to be very careful for her.

My mom was told shortly after the Brat. I told my mom in mid-December of 1998. She took it as I expected; she took it okay. From Mom, I had been slowly picking and choosing friends to tell. Just lately (since August 2001) I have been on a "coming out" spree, with telling darn near anyone that I am sure will not impact my life. I have been trying to tell as many people at work (one at a time) about who I am. So far no one has rejected me *sigh* Thank goodness. BUT there will be a day; count on it.

Since around Halloween 1999 when I made it out for four or five days, I have been out in public almost monthly since mid 2000. Check my navigation menu; I have some experience to share on this topic...

Okay, how did it all begin?

Just so you know, this is all from a tainted memory--you know the one; we all have it. Oh well... I was five or six when I first got curious about female clothes. I had a girl friend I visited often to play with. We used to play house, and what we called "school." I would play a bad student and for punishment, she would have me put on one of her petticoats. I forget who's idea it was, but I think it was mine. I think she and I played together as often as I played with boys. Well her clothes always interested me and she was always obliging; she would flash me her panties. I never tried on any of her clothes but her petticoats. I wound up trying on my mom's panties; well they were huge on me, but I still remember how nice they felt. Later I tried mom's slips and they just added to the wonderful feel.

Davita's ruffles on her gownWe all grow up and move away from friends and so it was with my girl friend and me. Leaving her did not mean I would forget about her clothes. I just had to be content with looking at all the other girls and catching glimpses and wondering what it would be like to be in a dress all the time. I continued trying on mom's clothes off and on through the years.

When I reached puberty, well you know what happens then with anything sensual *blush*. That phase in dressing went on for quite awhile. This is the time when you do some crazy shopping if you ever get the chance. You are out there with eyes glazed over and heart pounding while you try to get some lingerie to appease your body. If you aren't old enough to shop, then you are learning how to care for lingerie so you can hide the evidence you were there *blush*.

I bet I am not the only one who ever checked out lingerie at a friend's house. When you visited either a parent's friend or you were over at one of your buddy's place. I bet you looked in a occasional hamper, or given those rare instances, got to peek in a drawer. You know this is wrong. Oh how you know, but you are driven; you cannot help it. I don't think this phase in your life ends until you can buy your own clothes. *blush* even then it has to phase out on its own as you mature and your sensibilities take over.

Davita's ruffles on her gown I had some times when I thought I was crazy and had times I was angry with me. Oh those times are awful. If they are bad enough, you purge. You purge your wardrobe, you try to purge the thoughts. These times are awful; you get depressed; you withdraw. Somehow you get past it. Mostly I think your insides just force you back to your dressing. The feelings well up so large in you that you get overwhelmed and the next thing you know you're right back where you left off in your dressing habits.

In my late teens, I found Ro. A whole new world opened to me. Now I had to deal with the possibility of some girl actually getting into my panties. Hiding your panties from other guys is actually pretty easy, but the odds they want to get into your pants are slim. Actually this is me; I know there are guys out there dreaming for another guy to get into his pants *smile*. The concept is still the same--you are worried about what he or she will think and what the consequences are for being caught in your panties. Does purging come to mind? Luckily, I was not in the mood to purge, but I did at least once more with Ro.

By the time I met Ro, I was sneaking on something fairly regularly. With my relationship with Ro, I had to cut back. However, just being with Ro and having a full relationship helped ease some of that underlying tension to dress. When we married, I "caught up." I always got home before she did. I think it was between four and six months into our marriage, I needed to stop hiding. I was getting frustrated that I had to hide in my own home. I had to worry all the time about being exposed to Ro. On the side, you learn some pretty sneaky tricks on how to hide your wardrobe. You also learn to lie effectively.

At any rate, I had to tell Ro. "Dear, when I tell you I want to get into your pants, I mean it both figuratively and literally." That confused her perfectly *smile* it also didn't make her very happy as I found out twenty years later. She was not a willing participant at first and really isn't today.