March 2011

I had a good four days out en fem. I had my usual days -- Wednesday through Friday and the following Monday. For a change I decided to just see my GG friends and not chase down the few guys. However, I had already scheduled a sixsome that included a couple guys. I sent out the request and got my usual non-responses, but I'm okay with that. My friends are a busy lot. On a side note, it's always a timing problem of warning the mob. Too soon, they forget; too late, they have stuff scheduled. I don't expect my friends to cancel anything for me.

I wound up having a Wednesday lunch with my ex-boss who is now a coworker. I had been trying to get him out for awhile to let him into my circle. I've been around him enough to know it would be okay. Our boss knows about me already; she was let in before she was my boss. Anyway, I asked the ex if he wanted to do lunch for one of my sanity days and he agreed. He doesn't drive so I picked him up in front of the office. By the way, I hadn't told him I would be dressed. He showed up without breaking stride and got into the car. Pretty much before I could ask, he say the boss had told him about me. I suspected he knew sooner and if nothing else certainly suspected. As we headed off to the lunch destination, he asked some usual questions I always get asked -- like the infamous, "why?". I explained as best I could and he was having some troubles understanding. It seems I was his first and he hadn't come across a transperson on TV or anywhere else. He sort of gets the idea, but I have my whole web site for him to see. I didn't give it to him as of this writing.

He asked about the rumor of me going to some conference or training and being sent home. I actually know the source people. I explained the whole thing to him about it being the week before Halloween and that I showed up to class the very last day en fem. See Halloween 2005 for all the details. Maybe he'll tell folks the rumor was wrong. Naaaaahhhh, he said he won't talk about me unless asked. He doesn't lie; I told him that I never want my friends to be in that position that think they should. I tell my friends if they are uncomfortable answering questions to just send the people to me.

At the restaurant, I noticed he was having trouble making eye contact. I think maybe he was afraid he would stare. Heck, maybe he was afraid he would laugh -- who knows. I'll find out later. Eventually I had to go to the little girl's room and when I got back, that prompted a bit more discussion. He wanted to know which potty I used. He assumed I would use the men's room. I had to smile. "Don't you think that would cause a lot of commotion if this girl went into the men's room?" He thought there would be more had I walked into the lady's. The need for education is alive and well in the world. He had things to do so it was time I took him back to the office, now with him a part of my circle. He said we can do lunch anytime. This basically tells me he really is okay.

After dropping the ex-boss off, I headed to my scheduled after hours. I stopped next door at my local watering hole since I had some time to kill. I was a bit surprised when the bartender simply verified my usual beer. I am in there about 1/2 the time drab or en fem. I sat at the bar since no one was joining me. Eventually I struck up a conversation with a guy who looked familiar, but I just couldn't place him. Come to find out he was our waiter next door that upcoming Friday. Once it was time to go next door myself, I settled up and left. I took a booth close to the door of the restaurant to wait for the others to show. Once everyone was there we moved to the bar area for happy hour. We settled in with the two guys (they were the exception for all the girls time I had planned). We girls had a bit of fashion chat and I got my positive feedback on my makeup, shoes, and outfit. Then we all settled into a normal rhythm of conversation with no one topic dominating. We were just a batch of friends conversing. Life is good.

Thursday was lunch with one of my close friend girls. Darn she was cute with a black jumper; white pleated, ruffled blouse and a cute do. When we had first started going out for lunches etc. I worked on her forever to get her out of dark on dark with dark. So this Thursday I was wearing a sort of tweed straight skirt and a black sweater set. I had my deep red purse for the color pop. This girl is not as quiet as my outfit may seem. My hair for the week was about half a maroonish red and half black. It is a current cut with bangs and then layered in the front with a long back below my shoulders. I forget which earrings I wore, but they tend to be noticeable. As we were talking a couple ladies had gotten up to leave and as they passed by, one stopped to tell me how much she liked my hair. WOW :) good thing I'm not shy. My friend and I finished up lunch, got our hugs and went about the rest of our days.

On to my girl's after hours back at my watering hole. We were supposed to be a foursome, but a couple of the girls got pre-empted by children issues. My next partner was running a little late, but she made it at a reasonable time. This person is my Dilbert world neighbor. When I first met her and with subsequent and frequent contact, it was obvious to me to let her into my circle. Before our after hours, I had already introduced Davita to her and had offered my web site to her. When we connected, she wasn't surprised and was very relaxed. We took a huge booth that usually fits six or eight, but the place was empty. We got the shop talk out of the way, I fielded some trans questions then we just settled in for some plain old chat. She surprised me by needing to leave earlier than I had expected, but again... children. The watering hole was going to open a new keg of a new brew so I stayed for it. So there I am in this big booth by myself and the place is packed by now, with people standing. I tried to recruit one person to join me, but he was okay standing. A minute or so later I saw a couple had just came in and so I offered to share my booth with them. They took me up on it and sat with me. We made intros and struck up a conversation. I have no idea if they knew if I was trans or not. They didn't look puzzled, didn't do a double take, nothing. We were no further than the table width away from each other and talked about all kinds of things and, of course, beer. Eventually we parted ways from an enjoyable night.

My Friday after hours became a Monday after hours. Oh well. I had my lunch with my "office wife." Yeah, Google the term. I picked her up at w**k. We did lunch where we had the waiter -- the guy from the watering hole. My buddy was telling me he seemed fascinated by me. Maybe if he and I meet up at the water hole again, he can ask what he wanted to know. There was nothing special about the day. When I took my lunch mate back, I was going to take her to her car, which meant getting past the guard. Once before we had a hard time getting me in with my drab driver's. The lady guard kept saying my husband's driver's license wasn't the right one and I needed mine. We finally had told her we just needed to get to the park and ride and she let us go with a smirk on her face. Well this time, before I got my driver's license out, we just told the guy we were dropping off my buddy. He let us go. So after I let my buddy go, I was off to get some chores shopping done. As usual, nothing special. My community of stores knows both of me. I did have one interesting moment in one store. One of the sales ladies apologized and said, "I'm sorry, but I like you best. I like you better this way." NNiiiiiiicccceeeeeee..... me too; I like me as a woman too. She was bragging to her coworker about how good my make up always is too.

The weekend is a reprieve for my face. I still have to grind it down to minimize my shadow and if I'm out all day, then I do that little extra grinding. OUCH *sigh* All week long I touched up my legs, but I left them alone over the weekend. This meant a bit of extra work to prepare for Monday. Monday was a usual visit to the Red Cross to donate platelets. I had considered a pencil skirt until I put it on. Somehow my butt just wasn't all that impressive this time. In addition, I was thinking of the hassle climbing in and out of those chaise lounge type chairs they use at the Red Cross. I wound up in a pleated skirt and a nice red stretchy shell. I wore my Dr Scholl's terribly cute pumps. I got my usual greeting of with male name rather than of "Davita." Those guys just seem to ignore my gender. Again, it's all okay; I am comfortable with me and the few times I am not spoken of correctly, I can live with. Well, I got compliments from my technician on my hair and the cuteness of my shoes. One of the newly indoctrinated came by while I was in the interview room, to tell me how good I looked. One of the other lady techs was really loving my shoes so I had to tell her the great savings etc. After my blood letting, I was on my own. I had no after hours after all. I was already on my way to the watering hole in case I was going to meet my Jazzercise buddy -- my expected after hours. She was swamped and I let her off the hook. I managed to have only a couple beers while I had struck up a conversation with a two guys. It was all light conversation and we eventually made introductions. Like before, no one batted an eye and again there was no distance to speak of between us.

So what did I learn from these days out? Try to keep the makeup light, which I couldn't seem to help this time. Plan the outfits -- I swear I was close to being late every time because I couldn't decide what to wear. I also had the room looking like the closet exploded all over it. The primary problem for me these outing days were my shoes. As much as I liked them, they needed to be worn for a few hours and walked in as much as possible before wearing them out in public. Take heed on this girls; shoes can make or break a day. Have flats with you even if you're sure the heels will be okay. The biggie thing to know? As much as you believe you pass and as much as there was no indication you didn't -- you can't ever worry about it. Either you pass or you don't, BUT if nothing goes wrong then why care? Everyone I talked to could have gone home and laughed themselves silly, but they treated me right and I'm sure I will see some of them again. And I will lay odds I will still be treated correctly. You're going to get better at passing and people will get used to you being a normal person -- in the long run, that's what's important. One last thing -- I make opinions of how I think my friends are thinking and once in awhile I goof, but I haven't lost a friend yet.