(c) 5/1998 - 1/2012
I think one of my girlfriends, Debbylee, really sums up life for us girls, with her Sept. 2002) statement:
Davita,
"This is what I wrote one day to introduce myself to a Yahoo group I joined. I wanted to introduce myself to this group and the urge to to write this hit me at work. I did not think about what I was writing as the words just flowed as if there was another person controlling my thoughts and what was coming out. It will give you an insight of who I am. As I am still in the closet, my feelings and frustration in not being able to dress when I want or for a better word NEED to dress. This need starts with me admiring dresses, skirts on my wife and other GG's and wanting to dress the same. It grows with internal feelings I imagine others have had as well. My nerves are on edge, mild headaches, my stomach feels uncomfortable, restless. I get to the point that all I think about is dressing in lingerie and pretty dresses. When showering I despise my body, my male parts, I want to scrub the hair off as I view it as something dirty. When dressing in my drab clothes I want to feel the smoothness of panties, the snugness of a Bra around my chest. I want to use perfume not after shave, to be able to smell nice like my wife. To look nice and beautiful as my wife does in the morning. However I can do none of these things because of my love of my wife and to tell her would destroy all I have. So I dress when I am able to, when I am alone. I prowl the lingerie Departments in the stores wishing I could wear what I am seeing. I sneak on panties under my male clothes sometimes in the evening when my wife is at home and I can't resist them, making sure I change back before going to bed so she does not find out. These simple things I do > relieves the frustration and other symptoms and puts me back on track until the next time that Debby has to come out. When I able to dress, when I am alone I get showered using my wife's shower lotions and skin softeners and dressing totally with lingerie, stockings and dress, jewelry and makeup then a great peaceful feeling comes over me It envelopes my soul and I feel at peace with myself. I feel whole again."
I think talking with Jaimee is one of the reasons why I even started a web site. Sure there is a bit of vainness to it *blush* but if we humans had none, then we would never seek out approval from others. We would be content to be our own best friends. Well enough prattle.
To begin, here is An Extract From a Conversation. A friend of mine, Jaimee, had been having trouble deciding what is even the first step to take. This is an extract from our conversation. The next part, below talks about her COGIATI results.
I hope this one helps you... let me know and let me
know how your "adventure" goes.
{squeezes}
Davita
Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory (COGIATI) Survey
Want some idea about who you are? Try the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory (COGIATI) survey and "answer all questions as honestly, and in as heartfelt and true a manner as is possible for you." [quoted from the web site]
I have completed the COGIATI survey and so has my friend Jaimee. She is looking to understand herself and I was just curious. I will talk about Jaimee first as she is more indicative of other girls I have come across. I am, well, not usual I guess and so will talk about my experience second.
Let me jump right to her results which she was kind enough to quote from the COGIATI web site.
|
Your [Jaimee's] COGIATI result value is 305 which means that you fall within the following category: |
|
COGIATI classification four, Probable Transsexual: |
|
What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality inventory has classified your internal gender to be essentially feminine, but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are a candidate for a diagnosis of transsexualism. You show a strong degree of Gender Dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the 'late onset transsexual.' |
|
SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION: |
|
Your situation is potentially serious and indicative of a probable inborn gender conflict. It is definitely recommended that you pursue further action. |
Now that is what it says for her. In addition, Jaimee said:
|
Well D! it goes on to list the recommendations such as taking hormones, testosterone suppressors, living as a woman full time etc., blah blah blah, but I think this was the most interesting information that the test had! I want to thank you for showing this to me I thought it was great! It really helped me to find some answers, and maybe now I won't feel like I'm swimming up stream so much. I think it was very helpful into get an insight into getting a classification, in other words its comforting to know how to label yourself! And in that regard it cleared up some issues for me. What it said about mine that hit me was that it indicated that mine was a possible 'inborn' problem at birth, and that I showed a strong degree of 'Gender Dysphoria' which I knew to be true. Knowing that maybe this was related to the birth process I think freed me of some guilt and anxiety that I think I was having about all of this.> It's really a great tool, although it categorizes me as a TS, I have always thought of myself as TG! That is really the only thing that I may differ on." |
Will she take further action? Maybe. She has got a lot of other life issues to deal with too. What this survey has done for her is helped her understand more about who she could be. Notice I said "could be." This survey is only one of many tools and should not be considered the only answer and that no others are needed.
When I gave her the COGIATI web site, I requested she toss out any preconceived notions of what should be the answers and to just complete the survey honestly. In turn, I asked she tell me what she actually did to prepare and to complete the survey. To paraphrase her, she really did not do anything to prepare and she just took it and acted upon her gut feelings! She saw what I came across was that there were some cases that several answers could have applied; she would just take a minute and chose which would be the best answer most suited to herself. That meant the answer that felt the most right and was not the answer that she felt fit a mold of who she expected to be.
That was Jaimee's experience. Mine was less worrisome. I had been asked a couple times by another girl friend to complete the survey and so I finally did. I did it for her and to satisfy my curiosity. Oh, right up front, do not let anyone bully you into completing the survey. You have to want to do it for yourself. You have to want to know the results. Back to me?
I did as Jaimee when I completed the survey. I answered how I felt and not how I thought I should. I went into the survey not expecting any particular result or of any particular set of questions to be asked of me. When I had answers that could be any of a couple, I paused and then felt my way through the selection of that one answer.
As for my results, *smile* would you believe a 10, a COGIATI classification three for androgyny? The survey says I am basically both male and female at the same time or possibly neither. It goes on to say I will be happy expressing both genders as I feel like it. So far this seems to be fairly true. A few years ago, I might have disagreed. This gets back to what I keep saying about the survey. Gender is not always a black and white thing and that you are not constant either. Who you are inside can vary over time. The survey is only a snapshot and depending on how you approached the survey, affects the results.
Taking the survey to prove who you are is all wrong. Wanting to know more about yourself is best for completing the survey. Take it from the heart and not the mind.
As Jaimee tells me, "So if people are confused, and unsure I highly recommend them taking this survey! I think it's a great diagnostic tool and could help to show some insights into the people making the inquiries. One thing that this did say, at least in my case was that these are not always accurate, (Even though in my case I believe they were accurate) and that further investigation is always helpful, and not to make permanent changes to one's body based on just this, but rather careful research into all the evidence and clues that present themselves."
And so, here is the link to the survey at http://transsexual.org/TEST0.html. Remember, do not force an answer. Select the one that feels right when you are not sure. And take your time. In addition, can you please let me know what you think of the results?